The Fetal Position

In the wake of its self-autopsy following the 2012 elections, the GOP has acknowledged that it must do a better job “communicating” with women. Along with virtually every other demographic slice of the American pie. But, one slice at a time.

In 2012, the Republicans in office and running for office had a particular problem with the concept of rape. What it is, what it isn’t, whether god wills it, when it is legitimate. You know, the eternal questions. Nevermind that the correct answer is No. As in “No means no. Period.”

2013 became the year that the American news media went transvaginal – as it probed the GOP’s idea of ‘small government’. Small enough, apparently, to fit uncomfortably (and medically unnecessarily) inside your vagina. And let’s not forget the various “personhood” ballot questions and amendments in more than a dozen states. These sought to confer full legal status and rights to the fertilized ovum; in fact, rights that actually supercede those of the woman inside whose body said zygote resides. [Cue the creepy music from Rosemary’s Baby.]

Yes, Republicans have been obsessed about abortion since Roe vs. Wade was decided in 1973. Not about their own abortions. No, every woman’s Constitutionally protected right to decide whether she will carry a pregnancy to term, or terminate it. Republicans are, of course, on a mission from their god(s; they don’t agree on each other’s deities) so don’t confuse them with factual, ethical or moral realities.

Not sure what happened to that memo from the party elders, because 2013 saw Republicans in Congress and in the red states continue their undisguised assaults on the rights of women to be self-aware, self-governing human beings.

last time gop cared about you.fetus 720x348


The most galling hypocrisy in the GOP’s passionate commitment its so-called “pro-life” agenda is that its screaming interest in the welfare of the unborn child seems to evaporate once the child is born. So, their position is more accurately termed pro-birth. Once that child is born, it’s on its own. Scram. Hit the road, kid. Get a job. We’re cutting your Head Start, your WIC and your SNAP. If you were just born in West Virginia, don’t drink the water. If you have two moms, you’re a bastard. And if your parents make minimum wage or are looking for work, too bad. When you’re 18, we’ll do our best to have one or more wars ongoing so you can sign up. If you get killed in battle, we’ll give your opposite-sex spouse $100G and a folded flag. If you come back wounded, go to the back of the line at the VA. It’s a long wait, but you’re a patriot. Suck it up. Don’t end up homeless or commit suicide. That just makes us look bad. Et cetera.

Maybe this is why babies cry upon eviction from the womb. Do they know that they’ve just been abandoned by the United States House of Representatives and more than half the state legislatures? Can they hear Fox News in utero? Do they know that Ted Cruz lives under their beds?

Wisconsin is one of the states that has really been leading the way for the GOP’s new pro-woman rebranding efforts. Governor Walker gives women, the middle class, teachers and other people a warm, fuzzy bear hug every time he turns around. And now, they’ve gone to bat for fetal Wisconsinites in a big way. There’s a bill in the Wisconsin Senate that will protect a fetus from being aborted because its incubator, er, mother doesn’t like its gender. Yes, it’s obviously a huge problem in America, and Wisconsin Republicans are running into burning uteruses and saving fetuses from their own evil mothers. Oh, it also gives the fetal grandparents rights to a veto over your host’s self-determination. So be nice to your Gramps and Nanas. They might have saved your fetal ass from your murderous mama!

Here’s a screenshot of the actual text of the bill, SB201. Pay attention to the line highlighted in (baby) blue:

Wisc SB201

That reads: “(b) ‘Child’ means a human being from the time of fertilization until it is completely delivered from a pregnant woman.”

Thanks for clearing that up, Wisconsin Republicans. Now you’ve put your pro-birth agenda into the actual text of a proposed law, by re-defining the word “CHILD” for us. Big news, really. Just one question: If we are a “child” from the moment of fertilized zygote “until it is completely delivered from a pregnant woman”… then what is our legal status once we’ve left the protective cocoon of the womb? Because you treat us like so much medical trash.

Click on the image of the SB201 screenshot if you want to read the official text on the State of Wisconsin website.

Click HERE to get yourself REGISTERED and able to VOTE in the upcoming primaries and general election in November. Whatever state you live in, blue, purple or deepest red. If every woman voted, the GOP would cease to exist. That’s right. You have the right to abort them from our government. And you should.

Bark, don't bite.

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