gop

greedy old pricks

Acme Anti-Gay-Marriage Kit

For more than thirty years, the Republican Party in America has had only one mission: the reduction of taxes. Local taxes. State taxes. Federal taxes. Income taxes. Property taxes. Corporate taxes. Inheritance taxes. Capital gains taxes. Reduce ’em all. Eliminate them, if possible. Nevermind the necessary things that taxes fund, such as schools, highways, research, bank bailouts, etc. Just move whatever money is left into the military. So what if there’s nothing left to defend?

But that produces terrible results for most people. How do you get them to vote for you while you’re cutting them off at the knees? Simple: the Republican Party aligned itself with right-wing passions. It became the Scourge of Communism. The Defender of the Unborn. The Keeper of Traditional (i.e., Christian) Values. The Foe of Gun Control. The Slayer of Regulations. And the Last Line of Defense Against the Homosexual Menace. Wrapped in the flag, carrying a cross – just as Sinclair Lewis warned us.

The GOP has been fairly successful with this strategy. The top marginal federal income tax rate was 70% when Reagan was elected in 1980. When he left office eight years later, it was 28%. Of course, the GOP forgets that St. Ronnie Raygun paid for these massive tax cuts with equally massive federal borrowing. Debt. Same playbook used by W in the first decade of this century. That took $5 trillion out of government revenue, conveniently replaced by (Shhhhhh!) the sale of T-bills (federal debt). “The GOP base” remained loyal – even as their bridges collapsed and their schools crumbled and their drinking water became undrinkable and oil gushed in their waterways and down their streets – because of all those bright shiny objects flashing in front of their eyes: God, guns and gays. 

Funny thing though: here we are, almost 40 years on – and the GOP is losing its touch. Maybe more to the point, its base is succumbing to that age old problem: death. The newest American generations aren’t much interested in singing from the same old Republican hymnal. Communism? What’s that? Young women feel quite capable of making their own reproductive choices. Organized religion (Christian and otherwise) has an ever decreasing hold on Americans under 40. Twenty percent of us now check “none of the above” in answer to the polls about faith. There are more guns in America, but they are held by a shrinking number of gun owners (–only 1/3 of us now). And then there’s the whole gay thing.

There is probably no greater measure of failure than the GOP’s near total defeat vs teh gay. How bad is it? Well, I’m guessing that if you are an anti-gay bigot these days, it probably feels something like this:

DE6F5804D

Not that they didn’t have their glory days. If you trace the rainbow’s arc back twenty years, it was a real shitstorm. In 1994, Bill Clinton (yes, that Bill Clinton) signed Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT) into law – shamefully, in the middle of the night. In 1996, DOMA (the so-called ‘Defense of Marriage Act’) was passed. No state was even contemplating marriage equality at that point. But DOMA made sure that if any gay or lesbian couple managed to get themselves legally hitched in these United States (or anywhere else), then at least the federal government wouldn’t have to recognize that sort of abomination. Morally and ethically, not gay lunchthat’s a problem. But legally, too: there are 1,138 federal benefits and rights bestowed on people who are legally married in this country. DOMA denied all of those rights to gay couples – even if any of the states decided that gay was OK. Which they started to do, early in the next millennium.

In 2004, Massachusetts made history as the first state to sanction same-sex marriage. It was followed in 2008 by Connecticut and California. Uh-oh. California. You know what that means… the slippery slope… 15% of the American population lives there. And it’s the place where all the most popular trends start. Like hula hoops and Valley girls and convertibles and dirty dancing. Better nip that in the bud. So the right wing flapped mightily, with massive funding and organization and fear campaigns about the children! from the Catholic Church (seriously?!) and the Mormons (the irony!), and they mustered 52% to pass Prop 8 – amending the California constitution to restrict civil marriage to one-man-and-one-woman.

That began a five-year-long cascade of court decisions and appeals. At the same time, a number of anti-DOMA cases and decisions and appeals were working their way through the judiciary. Prop 8 and the Windsor challenge to DOMA both reached the U.S. Supreme Court in late 2012, and the Court indicated in taking both cases that it would consider them together.

Meanwhile, over in Congress… a fierce political battle was waged throughout 2010 – and after at least 14,000 service members were forced out of the military for the ‘crime’ of being gay – an act repealing DADT was passed and signed into law by President Obama on 22 December 2010. The law was fully implemented and DADT finally received a dishonorable discharge on 30 September 2011.

Then… on 26 June 2013 – on the 44th anniversary of the Stonewall riots that are commemorated each year by Gay Pride celebrations all over the country –  the United States Supreme Court handed down two momentous decisions. It swatted away the Prop 8 appellants, leaving in place Judge Vaughan Walker’s historic 2010 ruling that Prop 8 was unconstitutional. Two ediewindsor days later, marriage equality was once again the law of the land in California. And in a 5-4 ruling, the Court handed the indefatigable Edie Windsor her long-fought victory over the so called Defense of Marriage Act. In the process, the Court eviscerated DOMA and required the federal government of the United States to give full recognition (and all of those 1,138 rights) to all legally married couples in this country. (Click on Edie’s photo > links to amazing Time slideshow of Edie & Thea by Paul Moakley.)

Civil marriage is administered by each state. Whether you do a religious ceremony or not, you need to secure a marriage license from the state. Just as you need a driver’s license to drive, or a hunting license to hunt. The words are so familiar, whether uttered by a priest or a minister, rabbi, imam or a justice of the peace: “By the power vested in me by the State of (insert state name here), I now pronounce you spouse and spouse.” And this is why the Windsor decision did not instantly make same-sex marriage legal nationwide. It told the federal government to recognize all marriages legally performed in any state. And so, the battles shifted back to the states.

On 26 June 2013 there were 9 American states and the District of Columbia with marriage equality. Less than one year later, there are now 18 states (shaded dark on map, below) plus DC with marriage equality. Just today, we welcomed Oregon to the wedding party. And those numbers may be changing even more dramatically in the very near future. Here’s why:

us.marriage.051914

The 18 dark shaded states plus DC have marriage equality as of today (19 May 2014). The medium shading shows 7 states where a court has found the ban to be unconstitutional, and those cases are now in the appeals process. These are seven of the reddest (most conservative) states in the country: Idaho, Utah, Oklahoma, Texas, Michigan, Virginia and Arkansas (which isn’t correctly shaded on this map). Some of these cases (UT, OK and VA) have already been heard by the various Courts of Appeal, and a ruling could come down at any time. Oddly, the three states in yellow have bans in place that have not yet been challenged. Montana, North & South Dakota are home collectively to 2.5 million people; about eight-tenths of one percent of the American population. Just sayin’…
***UPDATE: Challenges were filed in MT and SD on 5/22, and ND on 6/6. No state bans remain unchallenged.***

So, 18 + 7 + 3 = 28. That leaves 22 states with the lightest shading on the map (see updates*, below). And in every one of those states, lawsuits have been filed to challenge the bans on same-sex marriage and these are working their way through the judicial system. It is only a matter of time before each one of those cases produces a ruling… the likely appeal… and a final decision. But what is no longer in doubt is the final outcome: marriage equality will be the law of the land in all fifty states, and it will happen sooner rather than later. I predict before 2017 – which will be the 50th anniversary of the Supreme Court’s Loving v. Virginia decision which swept away all the remaining state laws criminalizing interracial marriage.

Updates – Bans now struck down in: (5/20) Pennsylvania; (6/6) Wisconsin (stayed); (6/25) Indiana (stayed); (7/1) Kentucky (stayed); (7/9) Colorado

***MAJOR MILESTONE: On 6/25, the Tenth Circuit Court of Appeals in Denver issued its ruling in Utah’s appeal of the federal court finding its ban unconstitutional. The Tenth Circuit affirmed the lower court ruling. This is the most significant judicial action since last year’s Supreme Court invalidation of DOMA and Prop 8, as it is the first time one of the Appeals Courts have ruled on a marriage equality case. The Tenth Circuit issued a stay pending Utah’s expected appeal to the Supreme Court. However, its ruling applies to all of the states in its jurisdiction: UT (stayed on appeal), NM (which already had marriage equality), WY, KS, CO and OK. The Tenth Circuit has already heard arguments in the appeal by OK (virtually identical to the UT case) and may issue its ruling at any time. In CO, a state judge struck down the ban on 7/9; county clerks in Boulder and Denver are issuing marriage licenses and a judge today refused to stop them. The confusion stems from the fact that the Tenth Circuit ruling found Utah’s anti-gay discrimination in marriage to be unconstitutional, which does apply to all six states in its jurisdiction. Does the stay apply only to UT or to the other five states too? The Tenth hasn’t said, and only county clerks in Colorado have tested it (successfully) by issuing marriage licenses. Don’t hold your breath for that to happen in WY, KS or OK. What is also interesting is that UT has elected to skip requesting an en banc review by the Tenth Circuit, and says it will soon ask the Supreme Court to hear its appeal. The next shoes to drop are the other Appeals Court rulings that are in various stages of the process. Idaho has appealed to the Ninth Circuit, and that’s a no-brainer. The Fourth Circuit (MD, VA, WV, SC) heard arguments in VA’s case in May and can rule any time now. The Sixth Circuit will hear arguments on 8/6 in six marriage cases from the four states in its jurisdiction (MI, OH, KY, TN) and can issue its ruling any time afterwards. The Fifth Circuit (TX, LA, MS) now has a case on appeal from TX. The Seventh Circuit (WI, IL, IN) has an appeal from IN, and maybe WI. Stay tuned! For up-to-the-minute info on all the cases in all the states and courts, go to FreedomToMarry.org.

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But in the meantime, we can count on the Republicans and their “Grand Old Party” with their teabaggers and teavangelicals to hang on to their institutional bigotry until the bitter end. And that’s probably a good thing for the country, really. Because the more out-of-step the GOP is with the majority of Americans, the more marginalized it will become… the less power it will wield… and this country may one day soon be able to shake off the last effects of this infection that has raged in our body politic for decades. That would be a very good thing, for this nation and our world. (Witness the Republican primary contests being waged right now across the country… especially that clusterfuck in Idaho. Oh myyyyyhere’s a link. And here.) You know, before Antarctica melts and ExxonMobilShellGazpromWalmart acquires nuclear weapons.

And you wonder why I call this blog: The End (so far)

Feeling moreish? Here are some related posts from the archives:

This Is Why We Fight The Hate

Act Up! Fight Back! 

Loving v. Virginia – Again

Continuum

Thank You, Edie Windsor

Homomentum

Semper Fi – Finally

It Was A Tres Gay Day In The USA

Tweet of the Day 05.17.14

Love Obama? Love Bill Maher?
Then click on the link in this tweet, sit back and enjoy!

Hate Obama? Hate Bill Maher?
Then click on the link in this tweet. You’ll drown in your own bile.

 

The End (so far)

 

Electile Dysfunction

Because this blog enjoys a global audience – and you know who you are – not everyone who will see this erectile-dysfunction-onoffpost is subject to the daily onslaught of American tv commercials for pharmaceuticals. Unless this is a worldwide phenomenon?

What I do know is this: if an advanced alien civilization is monitoring our broadcasts, they should be forgiven for thinking that the greatest threat facing the human species is erectile dysfunction. Or that our happiness is being destroyed by an evil flaccid little man named ‘ED’. (The aliens may also be hopelessly addicted to Scandal… but that’s another post.)

As a public service, then, here is a tv commercial for Cialis, a prescription medication which treats the dreaded erectile dysfunction. (Americans see this commercial approximately 17 times per hour of tv watched.)

 

Now, 2014 being an important year in American electoral politics, campaign commercials are beginning to crowd out even the pharmaceutical pitches. (If only there were a drug that could shrink inflamed politicians…) Every one of the 435 members of the House of Representatives is up for re-election in john-boehner.gavelNovember, as they are every two years. (Which founding father thought that was a good idea?) This includes the current Speaker of the House, Mr John Boehner, Republican from Ohio’s 8th District.

The Speaker of the House of Representatives is a vastly powerful position exercising singlehanded control over what comes up for a vote in the House; and s/he who holds the Speaker’s gavel is second in line of succession to the presidency after the Vice President. It’s a big deal. And when your little Congressional district is represented by a member of Congress who also happens to be the sitting Speaker of the House, your district tends to re-elect him or her. Otherwise, you’d be trading in your Very Extremely Powerful Representative for a low-man-on-the-totem-pole pipsqueak. In fact, the sitting Speaker has only been defeated for re-election twice in our history. So, the opposition party will put up a brave-but-doomed candidate as cannon fodder. But I don’t know that a Speaker has ever been challenged by a member of his own party in a primary.

That is exactly what John Boehner is facing in OH-8. Of course, he is expected to win the primary and go on to win in the general election in November. But to be challenged in a Republican primary is just a slap in the face. Who would do such a dastardly deed? Ah yes, that would be the Tea Party. The even nuttier right wing of the already nutty Republican Party. We might also rather kindly refer to these folks as the shallow end of the American gene pool. John Boehner, who has obstructed almost every single initiative of Obama’s presidency, is not ‘conservative’ enough for the Tea Party. So they are running a candidate against him in the primary, a guy by the name of J.D. Winteregg.

John Boehner is generally regarded as the least impressive Speaker in American history, presiding over the demonstrably least effective Congress in our history. But he has been an absolute gift to cartoonists, comedians and political satirists. Here is all you need to know about John Boehner:

1. His name is pronounced BAY-ner. No, not BO-ner. C’mon you guys!

1b. If “boner” is not a commonly used slang term in your native language, click here.

Michelle Mag Boehner22. The color of his skin is some inexplicable shade of orange that is not found in nature. Even in winter. He has repeatedly insisted that he does not use tanning equipment or products. Repeatedly. Insisted. Does not. Perhaps it is jaundice? (See #6, below.)

3. He is a fanatical golfer. Which is to say that he plays golf more than he passes laws. Actually, he has probably sunk more holes-in-one than he has passed laws. Will someone fact check that for me? Thanks.

4. He is an unapologetic chain smoker.

boehner crying5. He cries. Oh, I don’t mean that he sheds an appropriate tear at the most emotional times of his life. No. The man sobs. Frequently. Publicly. So much so that he has been called the Leaker of the House, and the Weeper of the House. Click on the picture of the crying John of Orange for more.

6. And while this is merely my own observation – which may coincidentally be shared by many millions of others – it seems obvious to me that John Boehner is also a raging alcoholic.

Alrighty, let’s bring this baby in for a landing, shall we? Remember Boehner’s primary challenger, J.D. Winteregg? (There’s a link to his campaign website at the end of this post, if we both live that long…) No one on earth, outside of the Winteregg family, ever would have known of this guy. But then he ran this campaign commercial. BOOM! The new shot heard ’round the world. Social media gold.

When The Moment Is Right

“If you have a Boehner lasting more than 23 years, seek immediate medical attention.”

J.D. Winteregg (www.jdwinteregg.com) is an imbecile who would be dangerous if he had access to any amount of power. But then again, so is Boehner – who has done more damage to the American economy and what is left of the middle class than anyone in recent history. America’s politics have gone off the end of the absurdity scale, primarily because the GOP has been dragged over the cliff by the racist ignorami of the Tea Party. This is a virus that will either run its course, or doom this country. In the meantime, we laugh at stupid campaign commercials. Mostly because we are just so sick of all the pharmaceutical ads.

If you are an American and you are not registered to vote, what the fuck are you waiting for? CLICK HERE.


The End (so far)

Tweet of the Day 04.11.14

 

FYI

sociopath def

[092] The Lovin’ Spoonful

(Tho I prefer to think of it as rat poison being dispensed by the Prez)

NewYorkerCover.041414

Barry Blitt’s brilliant cover for The New Yorker
14 April 2014

“If you want to say the further and further this gets down the road, the harder and harder it gets to repeal, that’s absolutely true. As far as repeal and replace goes, the problem with replace is that if you really want people to have these new benefits, it looks a hell of a lot like the Affordable Care Act.”

– GOP congressional aide, quoted by TPM,
on the increasing difficulty of ever repealing Obamacare

Day 092 #100happydays


The End (so far)

Tweet of the Day 04.02.14

Tweet of the Day 03.26.14

 

Tweet of the Day 03.19.14

The truth doesn’t get much simpler than this:

RIP GOP (and here’s why)

What if you had a discussion of GOP minority outreach… but nobody came?

CPAC, Run!

CPAC, Run! Run, America, Run!

CPAC = Conservative Political Action Committee
Today is the opening of their 2014 clusterfuck…
Calling all teabaggers, gun-huggers, nutters, foxholes and assorted loons.

Are you ready? Let’s play CPAC bingo!!

CPAC.Bingo

These nattering nincompoops of nuttery are all on the official speakers schedule at CPAC this year. How many feces – er, that is, faces… can you match to their names?

Sarah Palin – the former half-governor of Alaska… Bobby Jindal – Governor of Louisiana whose GOP rebuttal to the 2009 State of the Union was a smiley-faced disaster; also the guy who wants “creationism” taught in science classes while urging Republicans to fiorina“stop saying stupid things” (good luck with that, guv)… Carly Fiorina – failed CEO of HP, failed Senate candidate, failed face lift… Reince Preibus – Chairman of the Republican National Committee, born without a chin, or any discernible charm… Jim DeMint – ex-Senator from South Carolina who quit to become president of the Heritage Foundation, which he converted from conservative think tank to Tea Party rubber stamp… Sen. Tim Scott – plucked from the House of Representatives by SC Governor Nikki Haley to fill Jim DeMint’s abandoned seat in the Senate – begging the question: Will he realize that he is black before the Tea Party does?… John Bolton – the circa Reagan/Bush neocon liar with the moustache that looks like he sniffs Clorox… Ann Coulter – a waste of human skin… Sen. Rand Paul Santorum– son of perennial presidential candidate Ron Paul and serial plagiarist… Grover Norquist – the “no taxes” pledge guy whose Tea Party pals are confused by his marriage to a Muslim woman… Newt Gingrich – disgraced ex-Speaker of the House whose outsized ego is unsupported by any evidence of actual greatness, offers his expert opinion on the sanctity of marriage having divorced two ex-wives and currently married to… Callista Gingrich – whose glassy-eyed stare and helmet hair would cause a stampede of frightened Stepford wives… Chris Christie – the morbidly obese, current (?) Governor of New Jersey, studier of traffic, and ex-front runner for the 2016 GOP nomination… Donald Trump – waste of human (?) hair… Mike Huckabee – ex-governor of Arkansas, serial candidate and/or “pastor”, told by Jesus to gain back all the weight (and gave Chris Christie the liquified doughnut recipe)… Phyllis Schlafly – is she still alive?! or is that a shrunken marcorubioapple head?… Rick Santorum – Google “santorum”, go ahead; failed ex-Senator from Pennsylvania, recurring presidential candidate with prehistoric social ideas and, truly, the scariest looking family in politics… Rick Perry – the soon-to-be-ex-governor of Texas who showed himself to be all hat and no horse in the 2012 primaries; he is back now, equipped with eyeglass frames that someone thinks will make him appear more intelligent than a bag of hairSen. Rafael Eduardo “Ted” Cruz – a Cuban-Canadian anchor baby whose only apparent goal is his own self-aggrandizement; a source of constant agita to the Republican establishment, and constant amusement to Democrats who enjoy watching Cruz attack the GOP like a walking, talking flesh-eating virus… Sen. Marco Rubio – who Time magazine once heralded as “The Republican Savior” (– and no, Time, you cannot have that cover back), that was before the 2013 State of the Union rebuttal disaster that made everyone forget about Bobby Jindal’s earlier SOTU rebuttal disaster. Well, actually, it made everyone remember Jindal, but then immediately forget about Jindal and agree that Rubio’s calistagingrichparched performance was worse… Rep. Paul Ryan – failed Romney running mate in 2012 and former GOP budget golden boy; he works out a lot, and does this thing with his mouth that makes it look like he forgot his dentures… Christine O’Donnell – failed ex-witch and Senate candidate from Delaware… Oliver North – (Because derp?)… and Wayne LaPierre – mouthpiece for the National Rifle Association, main sponsor of CPAC, and the man whom history will record as the worst mass murderer in American history for his sabotage of gun control legislation.

There’s the passenger list for the 2014 GOP clown car. There are some notable names missing here, but I’ll check back and update as more of the GOP/Tea Party faithful step into this unkind spotlight.

Extra Credit Bonus Question

Use the word “Benghazi” as a noun, a verb and an adjective. In the same sentence.
No, it doesn’t have to make sense. They never do.

[034] HKonJ2014

They say, “The South shall rise again!” And it just might be doing that – in a way that is both surprising and encouraging.

On the federal level, the GOP has been the party of obstruction since Barack Obama’s first inauguration. They filibuster the Senate, and simply refuse to vote on anything in the House.

But on the state level, Republican governors and GOP-controlled legislatures have been frantically busy enacting every imaginable Neanderthal idea into law. Slashing taxes and funding to schools. Refusing to participate in Obamacare’s Medicaid expansion. Blocking access to reproductive health care for women. Putting old (and new) restrictions on voter rights. Fighting the already-lost fight on marriage equality and slowing or stopping progress on gay civil rights. Espousing policies and language aimed at people of color that is beyond offensive.

Look no further than a map of the Red States for the worst excesses of this power grab. And if you have to pick one, North Carolina checks all the boxes.

The NAACP and other civil rights organizations began the “Moral Monday” movement in North Carolina last year, as the governor and legislature rode roughshod over their own people. They kept at it, even when the national news media lost interest. And the movement has spread to other Southern states.

Hmmmm. Have people really had enough? Yes, it seems they have. GOP overreach has become so egregious, there are finally tens of thousands of Americans marching in the streets to say, ENOUGH! and NO MORE! And straight to the ballots in November.

Convened by the North Carolina NAACP and more than 160 partner organizations in the Historic Thousands on Jones Street (HKonJ) People’s Coalition, the march was the largest gathering in the South since the Selma to Montgomery March in 1965. It also marked the eighth annual convening of the HKonJ People’s Coalition, bringing together diverse voices from the civil rights, faith-based, labor, student, women’s rights, environmental protection, LGBT and immigrant justice communities.

“We are black, white, Latino, Native American,” said Rev. Dr. William J. Barber, II, president of the NC NAACP and convener of HKonJ. “We are Democrat, Republican, independent. We are people of all faiths, and people not of faith but who believe in a moral universe. We are natives and immigrants, business leaders and workers and unemployed, doctors and the uninsured, gay and straight, students and parents and retirees. We stand here–a quilt of many colors, faiths, and creeds.”

MoralMonday.020914.CarolinaMercury

Photo credit: The Carolina Mercury

Read the whole story at

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2014/02/09/1276229/-March-in-Raleigh-draws-tens-of-thousands

Americans getting angry – and organized – over the GOP’s anti-democratic abuses? GOOD! That makes me happy. Now let’s get ourselves registered and voting!

Day 034 #100happydays

[019] CCCDIC

If you’ve removed your shoes and are trying to calculate that Roman numeral, relax. And pull up a spoon.

Because CCCDIC = Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream.

benjerry.cookiedough

Hey, the only rule in this game is What makes you happy? (And by ‘you’ I mean ‘me’.) Yesterday I gave you 30 years of Macintosh. Today, it’s a scoop (or four) of ice cream. What kind of ice cream? That’s right: chocolate chip cookie dough. Ben & Jerry’s is a particularly delish version. But they all work for me. Posh or not. In fact, tonight I’m enjoying the Safeway Select store brand. The verdict? Guilty! of murdering my taste buds with joy.

I almost chose my runner-up happiest thing of the day – which had been my happiest thing of the day until 9:32pm, when I remembered there was chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream in the freezer. That other happy thing occurred at one o’clock this morning, as I watched Netflix in bed.

“MITT” is a new political/anthropological documentary that spans not one, but two! failed Romney bids for the White House. Be still my heart. The Romney family gave some A/V geek total access (we even see Mittens in his hotel robe at one point, which is just gruesome) for six years of their political lives. Which just proves that they really have no idea what an unattractive bunch they are.

Mitt-618x400

The film opens as it ends, with Klan Romney gathered in a hotel suite in Boston, watching the 2012 election returns. The camera never blinks as it pans the room from one stunned and saddened face to the next. Ann “You people” Romney never disappoints with the trademark death rictus affixed to her matronly mug. No explanation is given for HOW these 10 (20? 750 counting the grandkids?) people were the only ones left on Earth that night who did not know that Barack Obama was cruising to a big victory. Mitt Romney looks positively flummoxed and more than a little lost as CNN calls one toss-up state after another for Obama: Pennsylvania. Virginia. Colorado. Nevada. Wisconsin. Michigan. Ohio. “We’re up by 500 votes in Florida!” chirps one of the goofy-named sons. Tapp or Boff or Dikk or Fugg. Mitt considers that news for a moment, before his face falls. “Oh, that’s not good.” Really Einstein? This is the “brilliant captain of business” who was going to turn around the country?! “What do you think you say in a concession speech?” asks the now forever former Governor of Massachusetts… but no one is really paying attention to him anymore.

DRXWA

“So what do you think you say in a concession speech?” – Election Night 2012

And then the flick skips back to the family council in 2006 that voted to go for it in 2008. That ill-fated campaign can be summed up in two words: Crash. Burn. Which is ironic, since Romney was beaten to the nomination by Mr Crash & Burn himself, John McCain.

The bulk of this RomDoc is devoted to the ups and downs and downs of the 2012 campaign. (Note to progressives: make a double batch of extra buttery popcorn. This is what we live for.) We all know how it turned out. This country really dodged a bullet. And “MITT” inadvertently shows us why, as it fails almost totally in its obvious attempt to portray the Romneys as human beings. I mean, these people – and there are a LOT of them – can’t enter or leave a room without EVERYONE HUGGING EVERYONE ELSE! If you are a bellhop or campaign operative in the wrong place at the wrong time, you better check your wallet if you get out of that scrum alive!

Ann "You people" Romney

Ann “You people” Romney

But there is no warmth. Because these are not warm-blooded mammals. They are mannequins. Plastic. Shiny. WHITE. Unlike his 1950s-era social hygiene mentality, Mitt’s joints don’t appear to be fully articulated – his arms falling dead at his sides whenever he stands. And as he is almost always clad in a dark suit, the only prop that seems to be missing is the coffin.

The few scenes where Mitt encounters actual people on the campaign trail, in a diner or a fast food joint (because that’s believable), the result is agonizing for all involved. It would be painful to watch – if it weren’t so fucking fabulous!

I would also like to point out, as an astute observer of GOP + Xian hypocrisy, that every hotel room and conference room and green room and padded room inhabited by Romneys was also always full of cases and cases of Diet Coke and Coke Zero. And not the caffeine-free varieties. Just sayin’. LDS Sin Squad – you’ve just made your monthly quota. You’re welcome.

In the end, this unintended mockumentary does have something for everyone. If you voted for Mitt, you’ll love “MITT”. You’ll tear up as you see these good, decent, hard-working, god-fearing, tax-avoiding centimillionaires sacrifice themselves for the good of Murrica… only to have the election stolen by that lying, scheming, cheating, community-organizing commie Kenyan in the White House who bought all those votes with promises of food stamps and Cadillacs to the 47%. Yup, you wuz robbed. Group hug. (Make sure your safeties are on.)

BUT… if you cry tears of joy and Schadenfreude to see phony, greedy, nasty, small-minded bigots get their comeuppance in the full glare of the tv lights, as well as behind the scenes in the innermost prayer circles and toboggan slopes of Romneyville… then Christmas came a little late this year. But here it is. Exclusively on Netflix. Search your inbox for the ubiquitous “Free One Month Netflix Trial” offer. Sign up. Click play. And don’t forget the ice cream.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream makes me happy.
Day 019 #100happydays