obama

Tweet of the Day #WHCD

From this evening’s White House Correspondents Dinner #whcd #nerdprom

The President killed it.

(click the volume symbol in the upper left corner of this Vine
to hear PBO deliver the punch line)

Joel McHale followed the President; always an unenviable task. And the funny man’s timing was a bit wonky, sometimes too rushed, but just as he does on The Soup (minus the laugh track). There were a few times where he seemed to have stalled into a nosedive – but then he’d recover, just in time. Many funny one-liners. His best cuts were the deepest. He roasted CNN over the hot coals of shame. But his real triumph tonight was when he splayed, flayed, filetted and puréed the governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie… who was in da house:

“Governor, do you want bridge jokes or size jokes? ‘Cause I’ve got a bunch of both. I could go half and half. I know you like a combo platter. Now, I know, I get that. I am sorry for that joke, Governor Christie. I  did not know I was going to tell it, but I take full responsibility for it. Whoever wrote it will be fired. But the buck stops here. So I will be a man and own up to it just as soon as I get to the bottom of how it happened because I was unaware it happened until just now. I am appointing a blue-ribbon commission of me to investigate the joke I just told. And if I find any wrongdoing on my part, I assure you I will be dealt with. I just looked into it. It turns out I am not responsible for it. Justice has been served.”

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

If the linkage of Boehner and the color orange is lost on you,
this might help: Electile Dysfunction.

If you haven’t been following the Chris Christie scandale for the past six months – g’day Aussies! 🙂 – here’s the skinny: Superfat superarrogant Republican governor of New Jersey was being ordained as the GOP’s answer to Hillary in 2016. Then last September he had his minions cause a huge traffic snarl on the George Washington Bridge (busiest bridge in the country, which links NJ and NYC) as political retribution, or real estate speculation, or both. That blew up in the media in December, and he claimed to know nothing about it. Seems he did… so he had still other minions investigate his first set of minions, and himself. And they recently announced that no one did anything wrong and the Gov’nah certainly didn’t know about any of it. Oh, and then something about him holding Hurricane Sandy recovery funding hostage in return for political favors… Sadly for Chris Christie, everyone in New Jersey, New York and the federal government is investigating him now, and his chances of being elected president have dwindled from slim to none to… you might as well undo that lap band and go back to hitting the Krispy Kremes, gov.

American politics. It’s a blood sport.

The End (so far)

 

 

 

[092] The Lovin’ Spoonful

(Tho I prefer to think of it as rat poison being dispensed by the Prez)

NewYorkerCover.041414

Barry Blitt’s brilliant cover for The New Yorker
14 April 2014

“If you want to say the further and further this gets down the road, the harder and harder it gets to repeal, that’s absolutely true. As far as repeal and replace goes, the problem with replace is that if you really want people to have these new benefits, it looks a hell of a lot like the Affordable Care Act.”

– GOP congressional aide, quoted by TPM,
on the increasing difficulty of ever repealing Obamacare

Day 092 #100happydays


The End (so far)

Tweet of the Day 03.26.14

 

[019] CCCDIC

If you’ve removed your shoes and are trying to calculate that Roman numeral, relax. And pull up a spoon.

Because CCCDIC = Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream.

benjerry.cookiedough

Hey, the only rule in this game is What makes you happy? (And by ‘you’ I mean ‘me’.) Yesterday I gave you 30 years of Macintosh. Today, it’s a scoop (or four) of ice cream. What kind of ice cream? That’s right: chocolate chip cookie dough. Ben & Jerry’s is a particularly delish version. But they all work for me. Posh or not. In fact, tonight I’m enjoying the Safeway Select store brand. The verdict? Guilty! of murdering my taste buds with joy.

I almost chose my runner-up happiest thing of the day – which had been my happiest thing of the day until 9:32pm, when I remembered there was chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream in the freezer. That other happy thing occurred at one o’clock this morning, as I watched Netflix in bed.

“MITT” is a new political/anthropological documentary that spans not one, but two! failed Romney bids for the White House. Be still my heart. The Romney family gave some A/V geek total access (we even see Mittens in his hotel robe at one point, which is just gruesome) for six years of their political lives. Which just proves that they really have no idea what an unattractive bunch they are.

Mitt-618x400

The film opens as it ends, with Klan Romney gathered in a hotel suite in Boston, watching the 2012 election returns. The camera never blinks as it pans the room from one stunned and saddened face to the next. Ann “You people” Romney never disappoints with the trademark death rictus affixed to her matronly mug. No explanation is given for HOW these 10 (20? 750 counting the grandkids?) people were the only ones left on Earth that night who did not know that Barack Obama was cruising to a big victory. Mitt Romney looks positively flummoxed and more than a little lost as CNN calls one toss-up state after another for Obama: Pennsylvania. Virginia. Colorado. Nevada. Wisconsin. Michigan. Ohio. “We’re up by 500 votes in Florida!” chirps one of the goofy-named sons. Tapp or Boff or Dikk or Fugg. Mitt considers that news for a moment, before his face falls. “Oh, that’s not good.” Really Einstein? This is the “brilliant captain of business” who was going to turn around the country?! “What do you think you say in a concession speech?” asks the now forever former Governor of Massachusetts… but no one is really paying attention to him anymore.

DRXWA

“So what do you think you say in a concession speech?” – Election Night 2012

And then the flick skips back to the family council in 2006 that voted to go for it in 2008. That ill-fated campaign can be summed up in two words: Crash. Burn. Which is ironic, since Romney was beaten to the nomination by Mr Crash & Burn himself, John McCain.

The bulk of this RomDoc is devoted to the ups and downs and downs of the 2012 campaign. (Note to progressives: make a double batch of extra buttery popcorn. This is what we live for.) We all know how it turned out. This country really dodged a bullet. And “MITT” inadvertently shows us why, as it fails almost totally in its obvious attempt to portray the Romneys as human beings. I mean, these people – and there are a LOT of them – can’t enter or leave a room without EVERYONE HUGGING EVERYONE ELSE! If you are a bellhop or campaign operative in the wrong place at the wrong time, you better check your wallet if you get out of that scrum alive!

Ann "You people" Romney

Ann “You people” Romney

But there is no warmth. Because these are not warm-blooded mammals. They are mannequins. Plastic. Shiny. WHITE. Unlike his 1950s-era social hygiene mentality, Mitt’s joints don’t appear to be fully articulated – his arms falling dead at his sides whenever he stands. And as he is almost always clad in a dark suit, the only prop that seems to be missing is the coffin.

The few scenes where Mitt encounters actual people on the campaign trail, in a diner or a fast food joint (because that’s believable), the result is agonizing for all involved. It would be painful to watch – if it weren’t so fucking fabulous!

I would also like to point out, as an astute observer of GOP + Xian hypocrisy, that every hotel room and conference room and green room and padded room inhabited by Romneys was also always full of cases and cases of Diet Coke and Coke Zero. And not the caffeine-free varieties. Just sayin’. LDS Sin Squad – you’ve just made your monthly quota. You’re welcome.

In the end, this unintended mockumentary does have something for everyone. If you voted for Mitt, you’ll love “MITT”. You’ll tear up as you see these good, decent, hard-working, god-fearing, tax-avoiding centimillionaires sacrifice themselves for the good of Murrica… only to have the election stolen by that lying, scheming, cheating, community-organizing commie Kenyan in the White House who bought all those votes with promises of food stamps and Cadillacs to the 47%. Yup, you wuz robbed. Group hug. (Make sure your safeties are on.)

BUT… if you cry tears of joy and Schadenfreude to see phony, greedy, nasty, small-minded bigots get their comeuppance in the full glare of the tv lights, as well as behind the scenes in the innermost prayer circles and toboggan slopes of Romneyville… then Christmas came a little late this year. But here it is. Exclusively on Netflix. Search your inbox for the ubiquitous “Free One Month Netflix Trial” offer. Sign up. Click play. And don’t forget the ice cream.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream makes me happy.
Day 019 #100happydays

Is President Obama… The One?

It certainly has been looking dreary for the White House lately. The President’s signature legislative achievement – Obamacare – hit a real rough patch last month. After a difficult birth and three-and-a-half years of stepped implementation, the final, critical component was ready to launch. The state health insurance exchanges – the ‘marketplaces’ – were going live on October 1st. For the unfortunate half of Americans “living” in the tantrum-throwing infantile ‘red’ states, the federal government set up healthcare.gov to provide access to affordable insurance and health care.

There’s a scene in every scifi space thriller where the bad guy’s ship is about to blow up the good guy’s ship. The good guy pushes the big flashing GO REAL FAST NOW! button… and… nothin! Outta gas. Flat tire. The whosiewhatsit is kaput. And Our Hero looks to be out of options. Or, is he? In the movies, the hero is always one step ahead of the evil-doers. He has a spare battery in his utility belt. He finds some twine and a bobby pin. Or he’s just one of those incredibly lucky fellows.

Last month, the President’s team hit the GO REAL FAST NOW! button on the USS Obamacare. But the machinery started making clunky sounds, oil leaked, a black cloud of smoke rose over the whole enterprise. And the bad guys in the GOP/FOXmobile were catching up fast, guns a-blazin’.

As I watched Mr Obama at his press event today, I think I may have seen a gleam in his eye. He knows the website issues are real, but the media shitstorm is masking the underlying success of Obamacare right out of the gate. 100,000 signed up in October… almost 1,000,000 completed the process just short of signing up for a plan. 400,000 more people accessing state Medicaid services, and growing. Don’t hear much about all that, do we? But the President realizes the value of low expectations and being underestimated. He’s been there before.

He knows the website issues will get resolved, this month or next month. The holidays are upon us and will provide a giant distraction. With the new Obamacare policies taking effect on January 1st, there will be a huge spike in sign ups just around the new year. With another giant spike toward the end of March, when the open enrollment period ends.

He also knows that millions of Americans will soon be benefiting from Obamacare. Those stories have already begun percolating up through the media muck. As time goes on into 2014 and this lived reality of millions becomes the understood truth, the tables will turn. The GOP is so far out on the anti-Obamacare limb, it will have nowhere to go — so they will get more strident, as they do. As summer heats up the campaign season, Democrats will be climbing back on the Obamacare bandwagon. The President will have to clone himself to keep up with the demand for campaign appearances. And come November, the political media will be running to their online thesauruses for new ways to say LANDSLIDE.

BlamObama played the GOP like a fiddle in last month’s shutdown/default drama. He then took the fiddle and beat them over the heads with it.

I do not believe that man, in the space of three weeks, lost his political nerve over a website snafu. No, he knew the GOP would be out for blood and would come at him full force. I think what we are seeing now is the political master at work, again. (Along with his key lieutenants Pelosi & Reid). With the Republicans rushing at him from one side, and the bloodthirsty media coming from the other side, watch Obama sidestep out of the way at the last possible moment. He’ll find the fuse and bring his fist down on the GO REAL FAST NOW! button — and they won’t even know what hit them. I could almost feel sorry for little Johnny Boehner and his band of idiots. Not to mention the ugly cowardice of DINOs like Manchin and Landrieu. Real profiles in courage.

I could be wrong. But we won’t have long to wait to find out. In the meantime, Mr President, good luck. We’re all counting on you.

I am holding my breath…

Waiting for the President to speak. And I just have to say – I hope he is watching John Boehner give his ‘remarks’ right now. Because Obama should go out there and SHRED the lying Republicans, the criminally negligent media and the cowardly Democrats. Or he can continue his ‘mea culpa’ tour… So, I’m holding my breath…